thinking bought the past

things have happened.. latch and i still apart.. used to it.. honestly (and i cant believe im saying this) but i dont want to get back with him.. its funny how you can be blinded by love (or intense like) he really can be an absolute dick.. i wish i had noticed earlier but.. yeah meh.. the mother thing.. somehow she managed to found out about every single thing going on in my life.. every detail, issue, everything that went down and i feel utterly exposed.. but im still one up on her because she doesnt know that i know she found out everything by reading my emails.. so yeah.. i guess i have to be more careful.. still.. you can imagine how shit that whole event was. so kayleen seemed pissed off that i wouldnt join in on the bitching session. but she continues to give crap like 2 months after meta's gone so i guess she's had some significant impact on her. i hope to quit soon. shes nuts. aside from that i guess im fine. hah.. lies.. but no one needs to hear about that. im excited for meta about that guy. and hes her own age! how exciting. i hope i meet someone soon. i can remember him now.. he was hot!he really does have a good heart and i kionda got the feeling he was more sensitive or at least possessed the ability to be sensitive deep etc.. (thats a good thing) lol i sound like a loser.

not good news

so i go into town right after i wrote that email this morning right and i see penno (uand im like ' hey girl how cum u havent been out' and she's like 'oh u know how fred and paul stole my parents car ages ago? im grounded now." (and i knew but i personally found it hilarious) and then she geos 'but yeah, im looking for fred now coz i want my friends jumper back." and im like 'oh yeah, if u see him, tell him i say sorry about saturday nigh' (coz i ditched him and he came out only 2 c me apparently) and shes like 'oh do you like fred?' and i say nothing and then she goes 'does he like you?' and i say nothing and then she goes 'oi, fred's a bitch. he seroiusly is. and he likes my friend anise.' and im like 'who's anise' (tranlsated as ; WHO THE FUCK IS ANISE? AND WHAT THE FUCK? FUCK! JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK!) all casually. and shes like 'oh shes new around here. but yeah he likes her. he came and saw her once.' and im like 'oh thats nice. bye'. and i know for a fact he hasn't seen penno in weeks since he first met me and this may have all occured beofre but STILL! what if he sitll likes her? what if something is going on? SHIT! see i attract teh folllowing : obsessive maniacs (aka chris and martin who martin by the way is a fucken stalker), assholes (mick and mitchell) or weirdos (jackson). so im trying to fit him into a category, but then i think im being negative. zeke's like 'dont listen to penno. just don't. she went and told everyone that chris fucked her but thats clearly a lie.' and i know gossip is easy but now i dont know what to do.

life in a small town.

not much goss happenig here - jenny and mo broke up on xmas eve, mo is acting like he's all traumitised from the war and is acting like the living dead. um....zeke told chantay he never had feelings for her and she meant shit 2 him so on xmas day i got flour and eggs and redecorated his car the son of a bitch, merry xmas asshole. rachel is outta control, she's gotten with so many people and is acting all dickheady. but still love her. joseph got fucked over by some guy william, he caugt him sleeping with some girl. tish is all right, happy and not with victor but she likes this guy fred told me not touch him even though I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD HER I LIKED HIM FIRST! so yeah....hehe....i like this guy fred. he's MY AGE (bells and horns please, can i hear a whoop whoop.) but yeah, i dont know how its gonna go with us, i havent seen him for a week coz i ditched him on saturday and he was cut about it, so now i think he thinks i dont like him. he's american/polynesian and he can dance and fight and is just so right. wehavent even hooked up, but i am going to just for it next tijme. he asked to kiss me andi told him no, and we had a talk about our um....feelings for each other and both establish we feel the same way, but u know its difficult....